Aug 27, 2012

Consensual Writing- How social disapproval led to asphyxiation of my thoughts?

“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” 
 I always carried around this notion that since it is my blog, my page, I can write anything I feel like under the sun. To me my blog is my very own manicured garden where I can promenade as and when I like but where others are most welcome to come and take a stroll around. Lately, I had quite an interesting yet heated argument with a friend of mine over how important it is for us to write consensual, agreeable stuff…A stubborn soul I am, I prefer to blog anything by whose means, people can rendezvous with the real ‘me’, my thoughts, my contemplation. He gave an interesting insight, though: Blogs are passé now, they aren’t in trend anymore and nobody reads them, so, why keep making incessant efforts to update them? In turn, why this sudden urge to express your feelings when nobody wishes to hear them out.
With due regards, I love writing. Of course, I haven’t been blogging since quite long, to my own utter disappointment. Blame it on my work overload, my laziness or my habit of making excuses; I just couldn’t gather all my senses together to write. The actual reason beneath all this facade of excuses, perhaps, is the need for acceptance: The incorrigible need to write something which people would agree to or would not mock at… There are countless issues culminating in my mind about which I would have written in my blog: Relationships, workplace, future plans, needs, abandonment and desires. However, a candid account of such issues seems like a Herculean task to me. I have this innate fear that people would become aware of my fears, peeves, longings etc and I might end up becoming an outcast amidst my own people. Now, isn’t all this exactly conflicting to what all I had been blabbering about in the last paragraph!!!  Trust me, without any trace of diplomacy, I been too outspoken about my viewpoint, neat and crisp, positive and vicious, for certain people and things in the past. However, by the time, the story comes back to me; it is simply a twisted, nasty concoction of what I have told at first place. Weirder than this is the fact that people have this incurable prejudice bred in this heart which forces them to conjecture contradicting conclusions about me: I say something and they take it otherwise.
In my college time, I was very diligent and punctual when it came to updating my blogs…I would spend hours beautifying my blogs, thoughtfully choosing words, themes and applications to add “ chaar chaand” to my page. My elation level would reach soaring heights to find comments on my post each day. However, now blog is bawling like a baby, crying for some sort for revival, not in terms of how it looks but what it says: To speak my mind; to be forthcoming in terms of my viewpoint, to write or say things I actually mean and not what XYZs wish to read or hear…This might jeopardize my readership but I might rise an inch taller for my audacity in the eyes of my own herd of good friends . So, in the end, I dedicate this post to my dear blog...Here’s my toast to the new beginnings!!!