Jun 19, 2009

On a guilt trip...

“A wounded conscience takes more time to heal than a wounded heart”

Human mind is the most complicated machine is the whole universe. I guess, almost half of the dictionary is filled with words which express the way we feel or behave. So many feelings but so less time to express. And amidst all this, the feeling of guilt is the most prevalent of all.

One can probably survive with the feeling of dejection, frustration, agitation or agony. But how can one run away from the feeling of guilt and remorse? Guilt gives us sleepless nights. The whole night, a person would toss and turn contemplating one’s actions or behaviour towards someone just because it wasn’t considered admissible by the other person. Eventually, a ruffled mind becomes a restless pillow.

Guilt creeps in when we say NO to someone asking for help and assistance, even if that person is incessantly clung to us like a parasite. Such people can be of no use to others and vanish into thin air when it’s their turn to offer a helping hand. Guilt arises when we finally summon the courage to give a tongue lashing to a deserving soul, even if the latter must have left no stone unturned to hurl insults and allegations at us in the past. We are guilt-stricken when we count the sacrifices we’ve given or bring up all that we’ve done for someone even if that person shamelessly refuses to offer us acknowledgement and commendations for being at their disposal now and then.

Probably, at some point of time we forget that it is equally vital for us to love ourselves as much as we love others. We refuse to respect ourselves for the fear of people calling us arrogant and egoistic; we refuse to love ourselves for the fear of being considered as self- obsessed and selfish. Something refrains us from appreciating our own virtues and we end up expecting others to make us feel good and realize our worth. Isn’t this actually the guilt of love ourselves too much??

Isn’t it that some people treat you like a book, totally engrossed in you at some point of time but when it’s time for some other important phase of their life, they put you back into the same old dusty corner of the bookshelf?? They would never even spare you a look, let alone brushing the dust off the cover. They would grant you their attention only when they are done with the other whims and fancies or a sudden craving urges them to get back to the good old book. But again, we fail to confront such people because at the end of the day, we love them and the idea of alienating them never crosses our mind. We feel guilty to make them realize what we are to them and that they NEED us, although they may not WANT us anymore.

Aren’t we refraining ourselves from the myriad joys of life because we don’t want to be guilt-stricken on shirking from our responsibilities??

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. So, start afresh and start it now. Love yourself. Appreciate your achievements, however trivial they might be. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves, there lies the great, singular power of self-respect. Thus, to begin with, respect yourself for the person you are and with time, people would learn to do the same. And at the end of the day, accept the fact that you cannot carry the whole world on your shoulders.