9 December 2013: The day when I got fewer birthday wishes and more of unsolicited matrimony-related advice from relatives, friends and acquaintances .Also, the day I turned 27.
If you are only 'wretched' sheep in your flock who has not taken the marriage vows yet, chances are that you will be subjected to a deluge of amusing and yet insensitive comments about being single. The very same friends, with whom you have shared the finest moments of your life will make life miserable for you by questioning your preferred choice of living, now that their own minds are enriched with newly found marital wisdom. For instance, one of my friends, who recently got married, went on and on for hours about a situation light years ahead wherein how, if I tie nuptials late, then I would be too old and hardly of any assistance to my kids in their own wedding preparations.
This, in turn, has affected my social life to a great extent because it is gut-wrenching to be around people who incessantly grieve about how my supposedly commitment-phobic, extremely picky or exceedingly ambitious nature might make me doomed to an uneventful, lonely life of spinsterhood and despair. Since my answers, in general, are mostly acerbic, I end up dodging them.
As much as I enjoy basking in the glory of my single hood, it is exasperating to explain to people every now and then that I might be alone as per say , but I am not lonely. It is a pleasure to acknowledge that my friends are enjoying their respective idyllic marriages, but this fact never makes me feel any less privileged. So, when one of my closest friends from college uninhibitedly asked me if I was planning to "die alone !!!", I decided to write about this vortex of ' Bothersome Questions & Comments' which I inadvertently get trapped in, every now and then. Accompanying them would be my honest answers & opinions. Some of them might be quirky, so take them in a light stride:
IRKSOME QUESTIONING & NOSY-PARKING:
- " So…..when are we hearing the good news? " : About what? My marriage? My promotion? My babies? Or the fact that I have finally decided to clobber you black-and-blue so that you stop looming around and asking such meaningless questions??? Please be specific. And also, run for your life…
- " Awwww… Are you not over your Ex-? " : I am sorry, which one are you talking about? Because, you know, I am very promiscuous !!!
- "Is the delay because you want to pursue higher studies? But you can always study after marriage" : No, I can't. I wish I was as adept and proficient in juggling as my primate buddy, Minky The Monkey.
- " Don't you feel lonely at home ? How do you kill time? " : No, No, not at all. I have an imaginary friend " Gudda", with whom I share my apartment ( Don’t be freaked out…). Every day, we conspire plans to make life miserable for people like you. The latest plan being, not getting married and annoying the hell out of you.
- " But, everybody in your friends circle is married." : I know. I polished off platefuls of sumptuous biryani in their weddings, remember? Can you see all this blubber gleefully encircling my waist? It is a consequence of my ravenous instincts coming alive while enjoying the wedding feast.
- " It is really strange that your parents not looking for a suitable match." : No, it's not. Most of my father's time is spent in looking for his lost glasses. Most of my mother's time is spent is looking for my lost books and files and my father's lost glasses!!
- "You should try and lose some weight too. That will help you get a good catch " : Oh yes, All these years of my life as a fat cow and yet, I couldn’t figure out that this was the main glitch in my matrimony profile. Enlightenment from a bigot like you was all that I needed at this hour .
- ""Maybe your poor eyesight is the reason. Do something about it." : Yeah, I wear contact lenses but transform into a superhero and become eerily bespectacled after 2200 hrs. Do you know that I have started seeing some black spots lately? Maybe I have glaucoma too.
- "Oh Darling! Please don’t be so picky " : I am not being picky. (Suddenly I am serious…) But I have as much right to choose my life partner as a girl a couple of years younger to me. A lousy marriage is way worse than no marriage at all. With time, the frustration and anguish cascades down to your kids as well. So, I would rather be single and sane than marry an incompatible person in haste and have an unhappy, conflict-riddled marriage.
- This is my personal favorite…" But you are 27. Really… 27 !!!!! ". : Yes, yes, Sherlock Holmes. Thou art right. But, I know that. I have been devotedly attending each and every birthday celebration of mine till date. Also, I am adept in counting years.